One common theme I see often among women is the struggle for self-acceptance. We hear all the time how we need to love ourselves, accept ourselves as we are, embrace all parts of ourselves, etc. But I feel like we hear MUCH less often about HOW to do that or WHAT that actually looks like! Yes, accepting yourself exactly as you are even while working to grow and transform is important. In fact, one might argue that growth that is created from self-hatred or the desperate desire to escape the things we don’t accept about ourselves is doomed to fail eventually. The thing is…just saying “I love myself and accept myself just as I am” is not going to make it so!
I recently watched a video where a coach talked about affirmations and how they’ve never worked for her. I literally wanted to hug her through my computer screen! Because while I KNOW that affirmations are powerful and I KNOW they work for a LOT of people, they have been something I have personally struggled with for a while. Because I never seem to be able to achieve the miraculous results that others seem to…which then leads me to feel like a failure…which does NOT help with loving myself more!
And the thing this coach touched on was how we’re basically trying to go from 0 to 100 without anything in between…when what we REALLY need is to think incrementally. And she’s right. You can’t go from “I hate everything about my body” to “I love everything about myself.” And the feeling of “My business is a total failure and I’m completely defeated” doesn’t become “My business is thriving and I’m making tons of money”…especially if there’s evidence to the contrary!
So what DO you tell yourself if the evidence seems to be supporting your negative thoughts instead of the affirmations you WISH were true? You start with baby steps! Maybe you’re unhappy with how you look and your body is showing signs of illness or poor health? Saying “I love my body; it’s a well-honed machine” is not only not helpful, it’s also not true! So perhaps instead you might say “I appreciate that despite any health issues, my body allows me to participate in important daily activities.” Or you might think “While I’m working on being more fit, I love how strong I am.” See how these things can be both truthful AND have the ability to shift your thinking to a more positive, self-loving place?
Looking at self-acceptance through this lens of incremental change made me think of the work I do with my coaching clients. When we talk about the big goals they want to achieve and what that will look like, we discuss action plans to get them there. But we don’t just look at the big picture; we focus on the small, incremental steps to help them move forward from where they are to where they want to be. Because you’ll never reach your goal if you try to go from here to there without anywhere in between! And it’s important to celebrate your progress, no matter how big or small it may be! 7 years ago, my life was COMPLETELY different than it is now. The crazy thing is, I do some of the same work, I live in the same house, I have the same family and many of the same friends…so on the surface, it doesn’t LOOK all that different. But when you dig a little deeper? The shifts I’ve experienced in the last 7 years have literally been life-changing…
I have started a business that enables me to do work I feel passionate about every single day.
I have moved on from several unhealthy relationships, which has created space for amazing, positive, and supportive people to enter my life.
I have built a community that allows me to engage with and support an eclectic group of amazing women.
I have designed spaces in my home to support my physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional well-being.
I have reconnected to my faith and to the intuitive and empathic abilities of my childhood.
I could probably continue this list for a while, but the list itself isn’t the important piece. The important piece is what this list represents! It represents the decision I made and continue to make daily to live the life I truly want and that resonates with the most authentic parts of me. It represents the choices I’ve made to support that life, both in terms of what I’ve chosen to act on as well as what I have purposely left undone. And perhaps most importantly, it represents the commitment I have made to embrace who I am and what I want more fully than I ever have before. And for me, THAT has been THE thing that has made the difference. So if you are looking to see shifts in your life, I suggest you start with a decision: What version of yourself do you want to embrace, and how will you begin to celebrate that person’s existence?
Celebrating myself was not always something that came easily to me. In fact, it has always been something I shied away from. But when I hired my first coach, I started noticing how we would celebrate my successes, both large and small, and how ABSOLUTELY AWESOME that felt. As someone who always focused on celebration as the END result of an achievement, it never crossed my mind to celebrate along the journey. But you know what happened once I started? It helped to motivate me to keep moving forward!
So where are you on your celebration journey? Do you take the time to stop and embrace who you are and what you’ve accomplished on a regular basis? If not, why not? How might accountability and a partnership with someone else help you to grow that habit? If you find yourself wondering if a coach might be the right partner for you, let’s explore that! Access my calendar and schedule a time to chat here: https://highergoodcoaching.satoriapp.com/offers/183163-clarity-call
