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  • Writer's pictureBecky Upchurch

Cultivating Joy

I am a firm believer that women can and should experience joy in their lives on a regular basis! In fact, that is a huge part of why I do what I do in my business. Sadly, I think most women are not experiencing the level of joy that they could be.

So let me let you in on a little secret. I think the number one mistake that a lot of people, especially women, make is thinking that you have to have everything in place in order to feel joy. For example, I’ll feel joyful AFTER I lose 15 pounds. I’ll experience joy ONCE I get the raise or promotion. I’ll be joyous WHEN I see my children thriving. Sound familiar?


We assume that once the circumstances are right, once the situation changes, or once we have the things we want, our perspective will automatically change to one of joy…but that’s just not true. As with ANY emotion (joy, sorrow, anxiety, etc.), we get to CHOOSE it REGARDLESS OF the situation. So if we’re not choosing it now, can we really guarantee that our perspective will shift later…or will we just find something else to be unhappy about or use as an excuse to prevent ourselves from feeling joy?

Think about a situation in your life that you’re not currently happy with but that you’d really like to cultivate some joy around. Then spend a few minutes brainstorming the thoughts you would have if you were joyful. Does it feel SUPER HARD to actually think them without rolling your eyes, arguing against them, etc.? That’s because our brains often don’t see how we got from point A (where we are now) to point Z (where we want to be).

The solution? Use the rest of the alphabet😉

Think about a car as it accelerates. It may go from 0-60 pretty quickly, but it literally has to pass 2-59 along the journey. Our brains like to follow a similar path. So when we try to skip the middle, OF COURSE, we are going to create resistance for ourselves. But if we focus on taking baby steps that feel more realistic and achievable? Then we can start to create forward momentum. And the more momentum we create, the faster we can go.

So think about one of the thoughts making you unhappy or squashing your ability to feel joy in a certain situation (point A)? What is one thought that the most joyful version of yourself in that situation might think (point Z)? Now, what is an in-between though (somewhere between B and Y, depending on how entrenched point A’s thought is) that feels attainable to you? How can you start incorporating that thinking into the situation daily?

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