• Becky Upchurch

Self-Sabotage

Have you ever started something new and been super-excited about it only to find yourself stuck or deflated a short time later? I know I have! And more often than not, you know what the problem is? ME!

Often when we begin new things…and ESPECIALLY when they are things that mean a lot to us…we start strong, as our enthusiasm and passion drives us forward. But then, almost inevitably, we start to question…question our idea, question our strategy, question our ability, question ourselves. Can I really do this? What will people think? What if I fail? Very quickly our questioning can turn to fear…and that’s where the trouble starts.

When we experience fear, we basically have two options. We can allow it to sabotage us, or we can use it to drive us. For many of us, self-sabotage is the default setting. So we MUST make the conscious choice to release this default setting and reset it to one where we can explore our fears and see how they can help move us forward.

Yet sometimes when we are in the midst of self-sabotaging behavior, it can be difficult to see how to get out of it. It can seem like it’s WAY to hard to do the things we need to do, especially if we’ve gotten into the habit of doing the exact opposite! The thing is, we DON’T have to make a 180-degree shift to be successful. In fact, it is actually SMALL changes that are going to help us create BIG results! So if you’ve replaced your daily trip to the gym with a couple hours of binge-watching Netflix? Don’t try to quit Netflix and go all-in on the gym! Instead, consider cutting 10 minutes off of your binge-watching and replacing it with movement…or even moving WHILE watching that last 10 minutes! And yes, your brain will tell you that’s “not good enough,” but your brain is wrong. Because it is those small steps that help you build consistency…and CONSISTENCY is what creates sustainable change and growth😊


Exploring how and why we self-sabotage is an important part of the growth process. And while there are many tools and strategies you can use to do this, I like to start things simply. Here are some questions you can ask yourself the next time you find that you are getting in your own way:

  1. How is what I am doing NOT helpful?

  2. Why does this matter?

  3. What is something I can do instead?

  4. How will making that change be beneficial to me?

While simple, these 4 questions can help you to see the experience you’re creating for yourself and how and why you might go about changing it!

Not sure what that looks like for you or need help getting started? My inbox is always open!



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