A few years ago, I was betrayed by the person I trusted most in the world. While the details aren’t important, let’s just say that this betrayal was one of those heart-wrenching, gut-wrenching, questioning the world kind of things that people write books and make movies about. It was BAD. In the aftermath, I felt like life as I knew it was changed forever. And I’ve got to be honest…I wasn’t wrong.
About 18 months later, I took the leap and enrolled at Coach U. While I had been through coaching training as part of my day job, this was different. I KNEW that this experience was going to equip me with the understanding and skills I needed to start my own private coaching business and to HELP PEOPLE CHANGE THEIR LIVES. The result of these efforts was Higher Good Coaching which is, to date, the bravest, most life-changing thing I have ever done.
So yeah…I left something out. Those 18 months. 18 months of confusion. 18 months of insecurity. 18 months of vulnerability. 18 months of reliving things in my mind. 18 months of regret. 18 months of not always the best choices.
BUT THOSE 18 MONTHS WERE SOMETHING ELSE A WELL.
18 months of creation. 18 months of rebuilding. 18 months of sisterhood. 18 months of reevaluating. 18 months of growth. 18 months of perspective-getting. 18 months of reclaiming myself.
I know it sounds strange, but resilience is one of my absolute favorite topics to talk or write about. Because I KNOW that how resilient we are directly impacts our ability to go after what we want. And my absolute FAVORITE thing about resilience? ANYONE can build it within themselves.
So how do you do that, you ask? Be REIMAGING the “bad” stuff that happens to us and looking at the opportunities it might open up.
For example, maybe you don’t get a job or promotion you want. For most of us, this would be a reason to feel sad and wonder “Why didn’t I get it, what’s wrong with me?” And while it’s okay to have that instinct, don’t stop there! Ask yourself “What can I learn from this? What is the bright side? What are the hidden benefits? Maybe the lesson is to speak more confidently about your accomplishments. Maybe the bright side is that another, better job is going to post two days from now. Maybe the hidden benefit is that not getting that promotion means you won’t have to sacrifice time away from your family, which you were secretly kind of dreading.
By reframing things that feel negative in order to explore them more deeply in search of potential positives, we are creating space for growth. By broadening our perspective of what COULD BE, we avoid getting stuck in the negativity of our first reactions to things. Instead, by expanding our options for moving forward, we are helping to build resilience, as we know that we will not only come out of whatever the struggle is okay…but just might be better off!
Because growth doesn’t happen by avoiding setbacks…and resilience doesn’t come from experiencing good things. Rather, it is often the WORST moments of our lives that show us who we are and WHO WE CAN BE. Because the saying is true: what doesn’t kill you WILL make you stronger…if you let it. And it just might be the BEST thing you ever do.
